the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
