it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
