We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
