You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
