Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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