You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
