Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
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