the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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