Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
nutella sex= disaster
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
