Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
