i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
