I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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