Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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