Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
