I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
