I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
The struggles of a small town man whore
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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