i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
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