It was confusing and full of hummus
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize