as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
