I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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