Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
