I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
