My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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