No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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