yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
