Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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