you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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