Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
