I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
