we have officially mastered the walk of shame
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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