ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
