I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
