we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
