Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
