i already hear my dad disowning me
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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