Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Randomize
