Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
