Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
There r osticjed everywhere
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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