so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
