is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
