That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
