he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
