now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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