I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
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