Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
