There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
