I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
