my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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