dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
