jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
