you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Randomize
