would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize
