see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Randomize
