Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
