I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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