____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
