Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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