U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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