my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
