don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Green mimosas i think yes
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
