your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
