so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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