I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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