dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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