it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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