You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
