Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
