No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
