Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
